Alarm Bells and Red Lights To Recognise When Dating Part 1 (A No Bullsh#t Guide for men).

A few thoughts, gathered from personal failures, anecdotes from others, hard gained experience and valued mentorship.

Now, I stopped dating 25 years ago, because I finally found the person whom I wanted to be exclusive with. This was after approximately 20 years of dating from (age 15), a number of heartbreaks, and 1 failed marriage (she cheated on me!).

As the old song goes: “I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger….” 

Rushing in because the sap is rising..

One of the most common mistakes that men make when they begin dating or looking for a partner is rushing into a relationship without taking the time to truly get to know the person they're dating. This can manifest in several ways, today let's concentrate on:

Rushing Commitment: Some men may feel pressure to quickly define the relationship, label it as exclusive, or make long-term commitments before they've had a chance to really understand their compatibility with the person they're dating. This can lead to misunderstandings and premature decisions which they will absolutely come to regret. 

A true classic, I asked my ex wife to marry me far too soon. If I had taken a bit more time and learned to recognise some of the red lights and address some of the awful behaviour (hindsight is a bitch!). 

The problem is, to be really frank about it, when a young man is getting regular sex, or even has the promise of it, the only head we really care about using is our little one.

Bonus tip:   If I was out there now, on a first date, one of the casual questions I would ask is about what they watch on TV regularly. If it's a steady diet of ‘reality’ TV such as TOWIE, Made in Chelsea, Kardashians, Love Island, and to some extent Soaps like Eastenders, Coronation Street, Emmerdale etc, I would think seriously before going on a second date with them.

As many reality TV shows and soap operas often depict a glamorised version of life that may not reflect the everyday reality of most people. Viewers, men and women, may develop unrealistic expectations about relationships, wealth, appearance, and lifestyles based on what they see on these shows. Reality TV and soap operas thrive on conflict and drama to keep viewers engaged. If your date regularly consumes this rubbish they may internalise this drama-centric approach and start to see arguments and conflicts as a normal part of relationships or daily life.

If you are keeping them as a casual non committed hook up, then that's ok. Just expect a bit of drama!

Part 1 in a series