The Breakup!

 I had an interesting conversation recently with a young man who had experienced quite a traumatic relationship breakdown with his (so he thought) soulmate, forever partner, future wife etc.

I could very much relate and empathise to his situation having gone through similar situations in the past myself, and also having friends and family experience the same.

In my experience, and having discussed with mentors, friends and other trusted individuals, it always seemed to be the case that in a relationship breakdown, predominantly,  it took the man significantly longer to recover emotionally than the female in the relationship. (in most cases it was the females decision to end things, primarily because of unfaithfulness on their part).

   

One possible explanation is that societal norms often encourage men to suppress their emotions and not openly express vulnerability. This can lead to men internalising their feelings and dealing with the pain in ways that may seem like they are taking longer to recover. In reality, they may just be less willing to openly discuss their emotions or seek emotional support.

But why was it so easy for the ‘ladies’? Well let's discuss Hypergamy.

Hypergamy is a social and cultural concept that describes a person's tendency (historically females) to marry or form relationships with individuals who have a higher social, economic, or educational status than themselves. It is often discussed in the context of mate selection and partner preferences. Here are the basics of hypergamy:

Desire for Higher Status: Hypergamy suggests that some individuals, regardless of gender, are inclined to seek partners who are perceived as having a higher social standing or level of success. This could manifest in various ways, such as seeking a partner with a higher income, better education, or a more prestigious job.

Historical Context: Historically, hypergamy has been more commonly associated with women seeking partners who could provide financial stability and security, as well as social status. This idea was often influenced by traditional gender roles and societal norms.

Hypergamy is a complex concept related to mate selection that involves seeking partners with higher social, economic, or educational status. However, it's important to approach this concept with nuance, recognising that individual preferences and circumstances greatly influence partner selection. 

SO what can young men do to make themselves the best choice?

To be an attractive partner for a woman who may have hypergamous tendencies it's important to focus on personal growth, self-improvement, and building a healthy, meaningful relationship. Here are some steps a man can take:

Self-Improvement

Continuous Learning: Invest in your education and self-development. This could mean pursuing higher education, gaining new skills, or expanding your knowledge in areas that interest you.

Career Advancement: Strive for success in your chosen career path. Seek opportunities for growth and advancement to increase your earning potential and career stability.

Financial Stability

Financial Responsibility: Practise good financial management and responsibility. This includes budgeting, saving, and investing wisely to secure your financial future.

Financial Goals: Set clear financial goals and work towards achieving them. Demonstrating financial ambition can be attractive to someone who values financial stability.

Physical and Emotional Health

Physical Health: Take care of your physical health through regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep. This not only improves your well-being but can also enhance your attractiveness.

Emotional Intelligence: Develop emotional intelligence by working on your communication skills, empathy, and ability to connect with your partner.

Communication and Compatibility

Effective Communication: Practise open and honest communication in your relationships. Discuss your goals, values, and expectations with your partner to ensure compatibility.

Set boundaries, take the lead and be a decision maker!

Shared Values: Seek partners who share your values and life goals. A strong emotional connection and shared values can be more important than financial status. Find someone who is a complement to your life, NOT the focus.

Be Supportive: Offer emotional support and encouragement to your partner in pursuing her goals and dreams. Being a supportive partner can strengthen your relationship.

Self-Confidence and Respect

  

Confidence: Cultivate self-confidence and self-respect. Confidence can be attractive, but it should be balanced with humility and respect for others.

Discuss Future Plans: Engage in conversations about your shared future and align your goals and ambitions. Ensure that you're both on the same page regarding your life together.

Support Each Other's Growth: Encourage each other's personal growth and development. A healthy relationship is one where both partners help each other become the best versions of themselves.

It's important to note that not all women are hypergamous, and partner preferences can vary widely. Building a successful relationship should be based on respect, shared values, and emotional connection rather than solely focusing on financial or status considerations. Prioritise open communication and a strong emotional bond in your relationship, and remember that personal growth and self-improvement benefit both you and your partner.

And always strive to be the best version of YOU. Chase that, not a relationship.

 #RelationshipGoals #SelfImprovement #PartnerPreferences  #HealthyRelationships

 #BuildingStrongRelationships